‘You sound like a strangled cat!’
‘But Sir!’ replied Johnnie ‘That’s the way I normally sing…….’
‘Not in my school choir-not ever!’ replied the school master.
Sound familiar? Not surprising really.It happened to me too.The biggest let-down of my life ,and many other pussies no doubt ,when told by the schoolmaster after audition for the school choir you were no good at singing.But Marvin is in the school choir and sounds like a choked gerbil.No matter,gerbils are okay-cats no!
What a blow.What shame! And after all these years you still hide away into your hands,or lower your head quietly,or mumble something under your breath when you try to sing.The shame still hangs it’s weary head,and pats it’s paw lowly into submission with a caterwaul over the garden wall.Letting go in a drunken stupor to frighten any feline into submission with a painful rendition of ‘Three Times a Lady’ at 2am! Then a realisation: maybe I can sing-really sing if I but try.So I did.Proper singing lessons.I knew I had a voice,I just needed to learn how to use it properly.Slowly.With patience,and with common sense.AND most of all,I needed to LISTEN.With my ears.Like any decent cat.I was not to be beaten.NOW ,over thirty years later,I am a fully trained and professional opera and classical singer,and can apply myself to anything where singing is concerned-including musical theatre.It can be done,and I am going to show you how you can do it.Even those ‘cats’ among you who wail and shriek like banshees! Yes it is possible with my technique.From beginner to advanced.We start small,and build bigger.SLOWLY.PATIENTLY.USING OUR EARS!
You first must take a simple test.You must record yourself singing.No matter how painful this may be to all of your loved ones,you must do this.This is really important,and as you progress you can refer to the initial mess you created,to make you aware! To make you understand that the voice,like any other instrument can be adapted for your pleasure,at what ever stage you require,from beginners to advanced. Follow my instructions for your voice to appear,beautifully,in tune,over the period of training the ‘Rough’ way.’Tone impairment’ is now also a thing of the past.All those of you who sound so badly you are told to ’shut up’ ,will,following my instructions,will eventually be able to even sing (dare I say it!) on the Karaoke.
So make a recording.It will be painful,but try not to listen to it too much (or other people for that matter).Noise Abatement Society get very cross at these times.After recording your voice,(and carefully placing the recording in a sound-proof room!!) you need to start using a simple singing exercise to get you started.So,for the musicians amongst us I suggest starting at the note ‘C’ on your preferred instrument,and quite simply to the vowel ‘Ah’,ascend the ‘C ‘ major scale five notes to ‘G’, descending back down to earth and all four paws at ‘C’ on your preferred instrument. SUGGESTION (There will be plenty of these!) this is to be done repeatedly for ten minutes a day. GENTLY THOUGH.
See you cats next time……….purr….
more articles by Edward Hatton
